My goal when attempting to start this blog was to make sure that I was posting every week! Maybe more than once a week (like a superstar)! Make no mistake I had no delusions that I would be the next Rachel Hollis or Sophia Amoruso! But man I was hoping that I could maybe convince some of you I know what I’m talking about. Let me tell you, I have started this blog two weeks ago now, I have failed miserably! Epic proportion size fail. I’m not fishing for compliments here or anything to try and make me feel better, and I have failed because life; It got IN THE WAY.
Before I launched this blog I had done research on the best scheduled apps and websites for my posts. I scoured all over the pinterest (yes THEE Pinterest) I’m old, I searched through every successful blog site I followed, and read all of the self care books a millennial can get their hands on for that side hustle.
Don’t get it twisted sister, or brother, heck I’m okay if you’re a dog who can read I appreciate the interest! I’m not starting this blog in hopes of being the next Brene Brown, I’m not looking to make millions with all of the words inside my head that magically turn to dollar signs the moment they hit the page. I’m just trying to stay busy. That sounds lame doesn’t it? Who do I think I am starting a blog then? I’ll tell you who, I’m just trying to be the most me I can be.
But I have SO failed. And for once in my life I am okay with that. Life has gotten in the way. I thought “hey girl, go start that blog while you’re trying to get through finals, while you’re trying to work 70 hour weeks, while you’re trying to go through the disappointing moments of hospital life”. I took too much on and something fell off. It was the newest thing that was added to my plate; like when I was a child and hid the veggies in my napkin so I could discard the evidence that I just wasn’t having it. But I needed to change my mindset.
I would like to say that I can juggle it all. If I’m being honest with myself though that is so far from the truth. Friends, hear me out. I do my best to see the more optimistic side of things telling myself little fibs “It will be fine!” or “You can so add that 20th event to your list!” or my favorite “You are so going to be able to squeeze in that dinner with your friends you haven’t seen in 2 years!”. The truth in that is this: life gets so busy too busy and you cannot do it all. So instead of saying no, I Shonda Rhimes this Bish and say “YES”. To EVERYTHING. I mean it, everything.
I don’t even hesitate to say yes. And I am pretty sure that the word does not mean what I think it does. Yes to everything is impossible, although it is a fabulous thought. Why am I writing this now then if I just talked about how busy my life is, like I am so important or something? I am writing this while sitting at job number one; as a substitute teacher on her prep bell. I am writing this while also working job two: grading the SAT open in the next window. I am writing this while also trying to take an online course in genetics in the third window. I am writing now because if I don’t life will get in the way as it usually does. I will be negative about it, and name it unimportant, or avoid it like the plague. Because there is a dog to take care of after work, a dinner to make for a happy home, more grading, homework, yoga at 5:45 thirty minutes away, landscaping that needs to be done on this 80 degree day, laundry that has been sitting in my basement since Sunday, and a million other things. Throw on top of that MRI’s to schedule, Physical therapy to schedule, and about three doctor appointments I FINALLY have time to call about. Notice how none of those things involved an ounce of excitement or shouting “YES GIRL GET THAT YOU TIME”. Because I don’t have that ability right now. Or do I?
Life is hard guys. It requires every once of bright sun shining, glass half full, optimistic Tormund Giantsbane enthusiasm you can muster. And some days I just don’t have it. All the power to my friends who can see the happy go lucky easy going days they have ahead of them, but I am a regimented planner. Read that book? Am I wealthy Victorian who can lounge about reading the classics? No time. Pour a glass of wine, and take a bubble bath? Are you willing to give up meal prep for the week and opt to starve because there is no time between jobs and school spend 45 minutes making a dinner everyday? No time.
That is the funny thing because “my time” starts at 9:00 at night and ends about thirty minutes later. I am scrolling through Every Social Media I have. I am reading thousands of tweets, browsing my daily discoveries, seeing what new tea is boiling on Facebook. What can I do with that time? ANY of the things I need to. My mindset though lately has been very negative. I end bed with the classic it was such a long and stressful and anxiety ridden day, I hated it.
I don’t reflect on how gorgeous the herb garden looks, or the kids who wrote such great essays I started to cheer in my library, I did not count the hundreds of kids in the halls walk by and whoop about seeing Miss. Wloch today. I did not count the fantastic feeling that the 30 minute workout gave me and how proud I am of the progress. I did not think of how those dinners were literally so good Gordon Ramsay would probably hire me in an instant (MAYBE). I did not think about all the cuddles my dog gave me that calmed my heart. Or the fact that I simply had two or three moments in my day that lasted seconds of being stressed.
Sure life gets in the way. But it is how you look at it that makes the difference. Maybe I don’t have the endless energy to look on the bright side of everything. I at least have to acknowledge how lucky and blessed I am to work, own a home, have access to an amazing education and that over-all I am healthy.
Yes this is just a blog, but writing gives me joy, and what I am trying to say is this: make the time in that busy life of yours to do the things that give you joy. Take that you time, say yes to yourself, stop trying to be Wonder Woman or Batman. Try and look at all of the beautiful things you did today instead of just viewing them as something off of a checklist that you dread doing. You are never too busy, and life will never get in the way that much; that you no longer have the ability to be happy. Even if it is for just one moment